If you truly wish to live a life of enlightenment, joy and peace then there is no way around the need to eliminate Blame & Guilt from all aspects of your life.
I was having a conversation with a close friend today about how to connect with God, The Universe and the rest of humankind to attain a more enjoyabe, fulfilling and peaceful life. As with many in this country, my friend had been brought up in a Christian faith, and the stumbling block that reared it’s head was“The Old Blame Game.”
As I work with individuals to attain their spiritual goals, it is almost predictable that at a certain point in the conversation they will say exactly what my friend did this morning:
A conversation followed wherein I tried to assure her that this wasn’t the case, but the reality of the situation is this:
To progress meaningfully in a spiritual sense, you will eventually have to opt out of the need for Blame & Guilt.
Obviously the need to assign blame has a different psychological need than to punish oneself with guilt, but they really are two sides of the same coin. And the cold hard fact is thatthey are both destructive to what we want and where we want to be.
Letting go of these twin concepts will do more for for your spiritual progress than any other single thing you can address.
In spite of what I said above, it isn’t just those with a Judeo-Christian upbringing that have this hangup, but with or without an ingrained need for forgiveness in one’s belief structure we can logically eliminate guilt, and by extrapolation the need to find someone at fault.
Let’s start with our Judeo-Christian friends:
- Needing Forgiveness – Most of us brought up in western society were brought up with the concept of sin being an ingrained part of us, and that we therefore have a need for forgiveness unobtainable except via a savior (Jesus Christ) or through ritual sacrifice. Our inherently sinful nature renders us unacceptable to God without his forgiveness. The answer to this lies in the definition of sin. As used in the Hebrew Scriptures the word Sin carries the meaning of Missing the Mark. So anything that leaves us short of the “Mark” or all that we should be, falls under “Sin”.
This concept of human perfection is one that leaves most people feeling needlessly hopeless in their pursuit of contentment. So how does someone escape from this trap? By understanding that Jesus role as savior and in the forgiveness of ALL sins, that any guilt that we actually have is already paid for. So holding onto residual guilt is not just counterproductive and unnecessary, it means that we are not accepting the very vehicle that was set in place to allow us the peace we seek.
Having accepted the forgiveness the ransom sacrifice holds out to us means that we have perfection imparted to us. And just what does this perfection mean?
It means that we once again can become perfect through our connection to God, his creation and our likeminded brothers and sisters in humankind.
We have then “Hit The Mark!” and are no longer imperfect sinners! This leaves us free to make the connection we need to achieve peace, contentment and enlightenment.
- Not Needing Forgiveness – If your belief system has not ingrained in you a need to be forgiven, then we can approach this from a much more pragmatic standpoint. Each and every one of us would like to be given the benefit of the doubt as we go about our lives that we are not trying to do something hurtful or wronging others. It becomes very easy to lay aside the Blame & Guilt game if we just keep in mind that this is true of the people we deal with every day as well.
There is an old NLP saying that sums this up quite nicely: “Everybody is doing the best they can with the resources available to them.”
I probably say this to myself at least 5 times each and every day.
Think about it: You have no idea what the person that cut you off in traffic, or that threw an insult at you had happen in their life today. You also don’t know what their childhood was like, or what aptitudes skills and/or diseases they have, or lack!
There is a whole wealth of information we don’t have about that person, but we do know that they are using everything they have in them to deal with what life is throwing at them in every moment of every day. We know this because it is true of ourselves as well.
If we want the benefit of the doubt, that we are doing out best to deal with life’s challenges then we need to give that same benefit to each and every person we come across.
And if we succeed?
Without the Blame & Guilt game obstructing us, we are free to connect to a higher plane of existence that is available to any and all that reach out for it.
Connecting to that life will not necessarily make life’s challenges disappear, but it will feel like it has!
I had this conversation with another friend a while back and when I ran into him again, I asked how he was doing with this and he said: “I’m working really hard on it!”
Don’t do that! I said.
We must each approach all of this very lightly. If we are “Working very hard on it.” Then we are worrying or obsessing over it, and that will not work. Just understand the unnecessary nature of the whole thing and lay it down!
That is the whole point…